The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
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you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
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Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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