In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Drake has all the answers
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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