The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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