My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
