I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
