why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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