Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
