Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
