i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize