dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
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his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
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I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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