i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
