So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
