The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
