I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
