i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
