so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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