I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
