Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
