You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
