Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
