i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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