i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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