and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
