I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize