Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize