He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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