I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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