Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
