I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
