I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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