peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
