I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
