glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
