i just had sex bonerless
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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