this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
