I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
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