I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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