You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
