my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
