i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
