I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
