I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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