I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
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He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
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I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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