I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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