I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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