i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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