u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
