Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
