And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
