my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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