you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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