I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
