The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
