Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
