just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
