i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
