They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
