Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
