no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
