Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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