You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
